32nd President of the United States - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

32nd President of the United States - Franklin Delano Roosevelt - 11x14 - Graphite

 Before President Clinton was hanging out with Epstein and banging the fuck out of interns in the Oval Office, FDR had so many affairs that he and his cousin Eleanor almost split up. She once described sex to be “an ordeal” and by the time of his death, their relationship was more of a political partnership and rarely saw each other.

But, he’s the guy who completely abandoned the Gold System and got us out of the Great Depression. In one of the biggest collective punishment dick moves in American history, he imprisoned as many Japanese, German, and Italian Americans as he could during WW2. The Supreme Court struck down several of his New Deal laws, and because he was a vindictive cunt, he tried to expand the justices from nine to 15. By the time he kicked the bucket in the middle of his fourth term, seven of the nine were his appointees. (Vote kiddies, vote.) 

Don’t get it twisted though, he did a lot of good with his New Deal. He created the Social Security Administration, made an amazing speech after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, passed the Emergency Banking Act (which brought stability to the market), the FDIC, the National Minimum Wage, the PWA, Fair Employment Act, and helped end prohibition. There’s more, but I’ll write about it in my Big Book of Presidents for Adults…the Drunk History version of presidents.